Free Writing Day #3...erhm.. I mean #4...

I didn't make it on here yesterday, which would have been the third installment in my free writing endeavor. My plan was to write for five minutes everyday no matter what. Here's the thing though, I missed yesterday and guess what? The world did NOT come to an end! Imagine that!!

I don't know where I got this notion that things will fall apart if I deviate from the plan even a little. I mean, my parents did not load me with guilt as a child nor did the people around me. Still somehow I took this load upon myself, this exaggerated sense of obligation. I became my own task master. I required my self to make bricks, but took away my supply of straw!* A lot of times I don't even realize I'm doing it because I've become so used to it over the years. If I don't catch myself I can become a big ole 'ball-o-stress' and then I have to talk myself down from the ledge.

Maybe it is partly because I am an inherent people-pleaser. I just hate to let people down. Or maybe it's because I don't like failing at anything. When you toss in a heaping portion of perfectionist, it's the recipe for the perfect neurotic!

But fear not, there is hope! You see, I'm aware of this tendency, and I'm working on it.My quest is to practice balance. I try to set realistic, achievable expectations of myself (no more making bricks without straw!); I make a conscious effort not to beat myself up if things don't go as I planned; and, most important, I remind myself often to HAVE FUN! I write because I enjoy it - a lot. The moment I forget that I've missed the point.

So yeah, today is day 3 or 4, and you know what? I'm perfectly ok with that. :-)


* Reference to Exodus 5:18 where the Egyptian Pharaoh decided that the Hebrew slaves should start providing their own straw to make bricks but didn't lower the quota of bricks they had to make. [can you say HARD LABOR?!]